Back from Obodo Oyinbo – Tales from my Naija trip

Going to Nigeria after so long, I had very mixed feelings. I had heard so many stories but I looked forward to every bit of it. Armed with loads of advice from peeps who had recently been, I checked in for my flight from London Heathrow to Lagos.

People said things like ‘once you land, the air is totally different. Don’t worry, if you feel like you’re not breathing properly at first, you’d get used to it. Another said ‘everyone will try to rip you off, shine your eyes’. Others said ‘Don’t tell anyone you just arrived from abroad else your own don finish, u will receive JJC treatment. All sorts, I won’t bore you with the others.

‘Ladies and gentlemen, please fasten your seatbelt, we will be touching down at the Murtala Mohammed international airport in 5 minutes’

Oooh finally, Lagos I’m here… I was super excited. As soon as I stepped out of the plane, I must confess (true to all the stories), I felt like I couldn’t breathe for the first minute. The air was so stuffy, stale. I could breathe the hot air…. But I got used to it in no time.

My folks picked me up from the airport after a few hugs and kisses and we set off home. Until we hit the road, I forgot cars had horns. In the UK, I’ve probably only heard a driver blip their horn twice and that’s in very extreme circumstances. But it was okay – horns, Lagos traffic. This isn’t as bad as everyone made it. I can cope with this for a week, no problems. Little did I know

Because, I hadn’t been to Nigeria in years, I had missed so much especially the food – roasted corn (agbado), roasted plantain (bole), pear, agbalumo, ewa agoyin and agege bread, fried yam (dundun) etc. So I made myself a list things I had to eat during my trip so everytime I passed by any of these things, I made sure I stopped to get myself some.

This fateful day, I drove past this woman roasting some fresh corn and plantain with pear. I quickly parked and started ordering enough for the entire house. The lady was so happy cuz I cleared almost all her stock so she kept saying ‘Ah, aunty thank u o. Better market reach me today’. While buying it, some woman said hi to me and said ‘ahan, you’re buying roasted corn.’ I didn’t recognise her so I just said hi and went back to my corn, plantain, etc.

After I had bought enough for everyone at home, which obviously took a bit of time. I ran inside the house to show everyone what I had brought home. And as soon as I walked in, I saw the same lady that said hi to me whilst I was buying my corn, plantain, pear, etc. She was in the living room with my mum. Then I recognised her, she was one of the landladies in the estate so I did the ‘classic Yoruba greeting’ – Ah, mummy eyin ni, e ma binu, me o ri ojuyin dada ni. E mo pe me o wo oju igo mi … and apologised for not recognising her and greeting her properly outside.

And then, like a leech she started her tales by moonlight. I just came to talk to ur mother about u. ‘Why were u buying boli and pear on the road like that? Don’t u know u just got back from London.  Is that what you want to eat. Ahan, you know u shouldn’t be eating these local things, they’d give u problems. If you’re hungry, y not bla bla bla.

All I could do was laugh because I just didn’t know how to react. So this woman had nothing else to do with her time, how can someone be so jobless…  What does eating roasted corn/plantain have to do with coming from London … Time wasters (sigh).

Anyways, a friend was getting married in Calabar so I had to travel. My flight had already been booked so all I had to do was turn up @ d airport. The flight was due to take off at 12noon, I was at the airport at 1030am prompt. After checking in and doing the necessary, I sat in the lounge waiting for the announcement to board the flight. When it was 1145, I became worried and walked to one of the gates. I asked one of the guards about my flight and he looked at me and said ‘na wa for u o, them don board since u still dey here.